What Am I Thinking?

My mind was blown about two years ago when I discovered Lauren Landish and read a few of her books. They were so different than all the other romance novels I’d read in the past and I loved them so much. They were like a breath of fresh air.

And what made them different?

The couples never had that icky moment where they split up over a little misunderstanding or a lie or something one of them didn’t tell the other. That moment (the black moment) where a couple splits up only to be brought back together again never sat right with me.

Why?

Because it’s predictable. It’s something every book does, and I hate it. It’s why I rarely read contemporary romance anymore, because it’s predictable to me. As soon as I read her books (before I wrote my own), I vowed I would only write books like that—the kind that didn’t have the same kind of black moment as all the others.

That’s not to say that my books don’t have those moments. There always have to be stakes. There has to be that moment where you’re like, “Oh, shit. How are they going to deal with this?” I just prefer mine to come from outside forces.

Once my couple is a couple, they’re going to stay that way. It may take some time for them to get there, or it may happen quickly. It may be unconventional or a trope you’ve read a hundred times. But no matter how it happens, my couples are rock solid once they declare themselves together.

Us vs. The World.

That’s how I write my stories. I go in every time with that in mind above all else, and then I figure out how to make it work. Once I’m done with the SP series, I’m going to start working on the Elite Order series. It’ll be my first attempt at writing reverse harem and I am beyond excited about it.

Have you ever read reverse harem? Do you like that traditional “black” moment in traditional contemporary books or do you, like me, feel like something different is refreshing? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Meet: Maddox

Maddox was actually the second character that really solidified himself in my mind when I was writing Finding Zen. He was partially inspired by the song “Marry Me” by Thomas Rhett. I knew what his story would be like, but I wasn’t quite sure about his personality.

But the more I wrote him, the more of an asshole he came to be. But I loved that about him. He was the snarky one, the first one to make a snide comment, to flirt unabashedly, to stir up drama and give people shit. He spoke his mind without reservation and I loved that about him.

The one thing that he always is without fail is protective, though. He’s the fixer of the group, the one who makes problems go away. He does what he has to do, but there are lines even he won’t cross. There aren’t many, but they’re there. He has morals and standards, they just might not be what we all think they are.

When we meet Maddox in Shadow Phoenix, he’s still so torn up over the way he left Ryan behind that the guilt is absolutely destroying him. So to cope, he resorts to some unexpected things that I think will shock a lot of people. But, I really enjoy playing with sexuality in a more fluid way, and of all the guys, I thought Maddox could handle it best.

We get a little sneak peek into Maddox’s comfort level with who he is in a scene in Saving Maddox with Ryan and Quinn, but Shadow Phoenix really takes a deeper dive into exploring the dark time he’s going through trying to cope with how to move on from trying to move on without the love of his life.

Where we see Maddox in Shadow Phoenix is just the start of almost a decade-long downward spiral that he recovers from and comes out even better on the other side, but prepare yourself for a Maddox you’ve never seen before.

Character Inspiration: Ryan

When I first started thinking about the story line for Saving Maddox, I knew who Maddox was because I’d already played with his character and spent some time developing it in Finding Zen and Loving True. I also knew some of the details I wanted to have happen in the story because they were inspired by a song. (If you’re curious, check out the Playlists tab).

But Maddox needed a girl who was tough, who wouldn’t let him get away with his shit but who was also soft enough to harden his rough edges. A girl who understood him on a level no one else ever could because she’d been there with him through some of the hardest times in his life.

A girl like that? She’d have to go through her own struggles and come out stronger for it.

When I thought about her struggles, at first I wanted her to be a tomboy through and through. But, that didn’t feel quite right. So, because I’ve always been a big fan of giving girls gender neutral or traditionally “boy” names, I started looking through name lists. The name Ryan just stuck out to me, and I thought about how kids can be assholes and would probably bully a girl for having a boy’s name. And her back story was born.

Reflecting on her home life, her hopes and dreams, her ambitions… It took weeks. I knew she had to have experienced life outside of her tiny Texas town, but why would she have ever come back? I needed to give her a reason, and her dad’s accident fit the bill.

Ryan is strong, resilient, and doesn’t let shit get her down. While I put a little something of myself into every character and every story, Ryan and I couldn’t be any more different but I love her just the same.

You can get to know her better in Saving Maddox, and see for yourself just how much of a badass she really is.

Character Inspiration: Charlie

When I’m starting the process of writing a book, I figure out who my main characters are going to be and then I start digging into their backstory. Who are they? What was their childhood like? What’s their relationship with their parents like? And do they have siblings?

I knew right off the bat that Ryan (the heroine from Saving Maddox) was going to be a tomboy in a sense, but not in a stereotypical way. She wouldn’t believe in the limitations that separate what girls can do from what boys can do. And the reason she believed that was how she was raised. That and she grew up surrounded by two sisters who were badass in their own right.

So, when it came to her sisters, I knew they would have similar morals and values. They wanted to help people. They never thought about what society might tell them they couldn’t do just because they were girls. They worked hard and went after whatever they wanted.

Charlie Knight is Ryan’s older sister. If you’ve read Saving Maddox, you know their dad Alexander had an accident several years prior. Charlie had always known she wanted to be a doctor from when she was just a little, bitty girl but when her dad had his accident, her specialty came into focus.

Neurosurgery.

It became her life’s mission to help her dad and people like him. People who’d lost the ability to walk or function at a normal level without assistance. She felt incredibly called to this line of work, and she threw herself completely into school and then her residency.

I love the Knight sisters so much. They’re my favorite group of siblings I’ve created so far - all with masculine names and soft hearts. I have a future series planned that will feature both Charlie and Justice and will show that women can be heroes, too.

Which Knight sister is your favorite? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Character Inspiration: Yates

Check out my Pinterest board for Yates by clicking here.

The original idea for Saving Maddox came from the song “Marry You” by Thomas Rhett. I listened to the lyrics and pictured a guy who was totally tortured and heartbroken sitting in the back row watching the woman he’d loved for basically his whole life marrying someone else.

Just imagine the level of heartbreak. It was deliciously angsty.

I’m not typically an angst writer, but I wanted to dip my toes in and this book gave me the perfect story to do it. And as you can imagine, when faced with watching the woman you love walk down the aisle to marry someone else, that guy needs to be a tool.

That’s right: A grade-A douchebag.

Why? Well, you don’t want to feel bad for the guy she’s marrying. You want to hate him. Enter Yates.

Right off the bat, I knew I needed a guy who had a name that made me cringe. He had to be old money. Snobby. The kind of guy who looked down his nose at pretty much everyone except his equally stuck up friends and maybe his mother.

To find his name, I literally googled, “Ivy League Names for Boys,” and picked the worst one I could find. If your son is named Yates, I realize I’m being a bit of an asshole but well… Yates.

Anyway, I wanted him to be a guy that at first seemed like he was at the very least okay if not sort of good. He’s attractive and charming. He swoops in to help Ryan with her biggest problem when she thought she had nowhere else to turn.

The problems start when Maddox walks back into the picture and Yates’s plan is threatened. See, he’s a shady, shady guy and he’s determined to get what he wants at all costs. He’s tenacious and an asshole which doesn’t make for a great combination.

And when someone messes with Yates, he doesn’t just take it. He fights back and he fights dirty.

I actually had a lot of fun writing his character. On days when I was frustrated or not having a great day, I’d write a Yates scene and have the other characters give him a hard time. It always made me laugh and for that reason, he’ll always be one of my favorites.

If you want to see what becomes of Yates, check out Saving Maddox.

Character Inspiration: Quinn

Whenever I start writing a new book, I spend a lot of time developing the main characters, their families, and the main antagonists, but outside of that, I don’t give it a lot of thought. I started writing Saving Maddox and realized there was a gaping hole on Ryan’s side that needed to be filled by someone. But who?

She was stuck on her family’s ranch and working it full time, and in a tiny Texas town no less, so she didn’t get a lot of opportunity to make friends. I knew whoever she had in her life friend-wise would need to be someone who worked on the ranch and someone who she’d feel really comfortable with.

Almost instantly, Quinn popped out of the woodwork basically saying, “I’ve got this,” and inserting himself into the story. I didn’t even need to think about him, his humor and wit and snark just immediately flowed out of me and onto the page like he was always meant to be there.

And it just fit that he’d be gay. Except maybe he’s not as gay as he first thinks… Because can’t sexuality be fluid? I’m excited to explore his character more in a future book where I can really see what makes him tick. Just like all of us, he can appreciate just how hot all the Shadow Phoenix guys are, but he’s the one who adds a lightness to Maddox & Ryan’s story.

Saving Maddox can be heavy at times and there’s a lot of emotion flying around, so when Quinn pops in with a joke or teasing, or just causing a little bit of trouble, he balances everything out in a really fun way. I hope you love him as much as I do!

You can meet Quinn in Saving Maddox, coming out next month. Read on for a Quinn excerpt.

Ryan

I heard the pounding hooves before I saw him and a slow smile spread across my face as I looked to my left and watched as Quinn came into view on the back of his horse, Daisy. He rode right up next to me, pulling back on the reins so Daisy would stop.

He hopped off of her back, his boots making a loud thud on the dirt before he patted her haunches and sent her over to the water. Watching him close the distance between us, his sculpted frame, messy dark hair, and hazel eyes that were framed by long, dark lashes were every girl’s fantasy. Too bad for all of us he was as gay as they come. That didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy looking at him, though.

Quinn flashed me a cocky smile. “My eyes are up here, sweetheart.” 

I laughed. “Damn, you caught me. If you didn’t want me to stare, maybe you should try putting on some weight, maybe around the middle.”

He dropped down beside me, leaning against the tree so our shoulders touched. “Not a chance. I don’t exactly have a lot of prospects out here in this podunk town, so I’m not about to let myself go and miss out on the random app hookups in the city. I’ve got to pull them in somehow and a picture’s all I’ve got to work with.”

Biting my lip to keep from smiling, I eyed him up and down. “You do you, boo. Just don’t mind me ogling you from time to time. Checking you out is the most action I’ve had… ever.” 

Quinn sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his body and kissing the top of my head. “When are you going to let go of the boy next door, Mr. Manwhore Rockstar himself, and finally move on?”

Sneak Peek: Saving Maddox Prologue

I’ve been busy writing away on book three of the Shadow Phoenix series - Saving Maddox! It’s coming along great and I can’t wait to share it with you next month. Maddox and Ryan are childhood best friends and are finding their way back to each other.

You can read the prologue below to get a sneak peek into how their friendship started.

Prologue

Ryan

“I bet she has a dick, too!” Tyler shouted through his laughter. 

Oh, no. Not again. 

I tried to curl into myself as my cheeks burned. I’d gotten used to Tyler and Jacob teasing me, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t embarrassing. Just because I wore pants instead of dresses and liked playing sports with the boys during recess didn’t mean I was a boy.

“What do you say, Ryan? How ‘bout we see for ourselves?” Jacob taunted as they moved toward me. I couldn’t let them pull down my pants in front of everyone. My heart was pounding and my eyes darted around, looking for anyone to help me. But all the other kids crowded around the bus stop were ignoring me.

As I continued to back up, step by step trying to put distance between me and my bullies, my chin wobbled. Even as my eyes stung, I refused to cry. These two boys had been bothering me all year. I didn’t wear a ponytail in my hair anymore because if I did, they’d pull my hair. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just leave me alone. What did it matter that my parents had given me a boy’s name? I’d always thought my name was cool and different. I was proud of it.

At least until this year. Now I wished my name was anything else so I could blend in. My sister Charlie told me to ignore them, that they were  picking on me because they liked me. I didn’t believe her, though. Why would they call me names or hurt me if they thought I was pretty? It didn’t make sense. Why would they embarrass me in front of everyone over and over again?

My back hit the signpost that marked the stop and I tripped, falling onto the dusty dirt-covered ground and scraped my palms and knees. I tried not to show fear, lifting my chin and narrowing my eyes defiantly at the boys who towered over me.

“Leave me alone,” I said with a shaky voice.

“Boys aren’t allowed to cry, Ryan. If you cry, I’ll punch you.” Jacob moved his lanky body toward me. He was only ten, like me, but he was the tallest kid in my class. When he was standing practically on top of me, his shadow blocked out the sun and I looked up into his face. He wore a sneer that made him look like he’d smelled something bad. 

I was more convinced than ever that Charlie was dead wrong. These boys didn’t like me. They hated me. Tyler sauntered over to me and reached down, wrapping his hand around my upper arm and squeezing so hard it hurt. I flinched and tried to pull away, but he was stronger than I was. 

My lungs were burning because I was breathing so fast but I couldn’t lose focus. I kicked out my foot and hit Tyler in the shin and he squeezed harder. “Jake, grab her other arm.”

Jacob reached down and dug his stubby nails into my skin and even though I tried to completely relax my body so I’d be harder to pick up, they still dragged me to my feet.

“Please don’t do this,” I begged, hating myself for showing weakness. They looked at each other and then cracked up laughing which made me cringe. I hadn’t done myself any favors trying to get them to stop but I had to try. They’d humiliated me over and over, putting paint on my chair so I ruined my pants and had to walk away with red marks on my butt all day, tripping me when I walked up to turn in my homework. 

They’d done too much stuff to even count, every time breaking another little part of me down. This year, I’d gone from happy and carefree to the mess I was right now, shaking and on the verge of tears. Tyler and Jacob made me feel weak and I hated it. When I get bigger, I’ll never let anyone make me feel weak again. But right now, there was nothing I could do.

Even if I was strong enough, two on one wasn’t a fair fight.

Tyler let go of my arm and I swung back to punch him, but Jacob caught my flying fist and trapped both of my hands behind my back while Tyler gripped the waist of my jeans. He’d have to unbutton them to pull them down and I twisted, trying to keep the clasp away from his grubby fingers.

“Let her go.” A low, menacing voice came from behind me and relief washed over me. Someone noticed. Someone cared enough to take on my two bullies for me. It started to sink in that the group of kids at the bus stop wouldn’t be seeing my underwear today and I could cry from happiness.

Tyler laughed at my mystery guardian. He still stood behind me and I couldn’t turn myself to see who it was. “I don’t think I want to. What do you think, Jake?”

Jacob glanced uneasily behind me and back to his friend. “I don’t know, Ty. Maybe we should see Ryan during recess instead.”

Tyler’s hands were pried off of my arms and I shook out my wrists before turning around. I had to tilt my chin up to see him, but the boy who saved me wasn’t a stranger. He lived on the ranch next door and I’d met him a handful of times, but we weren’t friends. He missed more school than he went to, so I didn’t see him at the bus stop very often.

I guess today was my lucky day since he’d shown up and stepped in. His dark eyes locked on mine, anger and concern swirled in them and I didn’t want to look away. “Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded. “Thank you.” I couldn’t think of anything better to say. 

He pulled me so I was standing behind him and straightened himself up to his full twelve-year-old height. “If you touch her again, I’ll kill you. Both of you.” The threat in his voice gave me chills. It didn’t feel like he was kidding to me and I think Tyler and Jacob felt the same way. They backed up, hands raised in the air and ran back to the rest of the group.

The boy stepped forward and grabbed my backpack, dusting it off before handing it back to me. “Those assholes shouldn’t bother you anymore but if they do, you tell me.” His eyes were hard and he cracked his knuckles.

“I will. Thanks again. By the way, I’m Ryan. I think you live next door, right?” I wasn’t in a hurry to move away from my protector. I glanced around him, eyeing Jacob and Tyler wearily. They were whispering to each other and looking my way. I didn’t have high hopes that they’d listen to the boy and leave me alone.

“I’m Maddox.” His lips tilted up on one side into a sort of amused half smile. “Yep, we’re neighbors.” He followed my gaze to Tyler and Jacob and his eyes narrowed before he looked back at me. “I mean it, Ryan. From now on, you wait for me in the morning and we’ll come to the bus stop together. After school, I’ll walk you home. If they bother you during school, I need you to tell me, okay?”

Tearing my gaze off of my bullies, I looked into his eyes, studying them. Did he mean it? The small golden flecks dotting the beautiful dark brown of his irises was mesmerizing. My cheeks heated again when he cleared his throat and I looked away. I’d never given a boy a second glance before but Maddox had saved me. His dark hair fell into his eyes and I suddenly wanted to reach up and brush it away so I could get another glimpse of the galaxy hidden in his gaze.

“What?” I finally managed.

His laugh was dark and low, like he knew he’d caught me staring at him and I shuffled my feet, kicking up some dust as the bus pulled up. “From now on, we go to and from school together. And you sit by me on the bus.”

“Okay,” I quickly agreed. I felt safe with Maddox. If it meant freedom from Tyler and Jacob, I’d gladly follow him around all day. A flush crept up my neck again when he reached for my hand, tugging me toward the bus. I’d never be able to thank him enough for what he did for me today.

The boy next door was a mystery, one I suddenly wanted to discover more than anything.