Finding Zen: Deleted Scene

When writing a story, I sometimes have to choose what to include in the final draft. I try to be careful about my planning so I don’t end up writing a bunch of extra stuff that gets cut, but it does still happen from time to time. This is one such scene.

Zen’s background is a complicated one. He was raised basically on a hippy commune up in Washington state and his parents took off, so he had this guy who lived on the commune step in and take over raising him until he was 16. That was the point he moved to LA to pursue music. In the original draft of Finding Zen, the reason he went home was writer’s block, not a sex tape. And the first stop he makes is to visit Rick, his sort of uncle (but not really) to catch up.

This scene is unedited and not necessarily canon for the story.

Enjoy!

Zen

I needed to remind myself of all the good shit I had going for me and snap myself out of this funk fast. We were getting ready to record a new album and I hadn’t written shit. I couldn’t find the inspiration. 

I figured getting away might help with my writer’s block. Every couple of months, I hopped on the band’s private jet and flew up north to a suburb of Seattle to escape. People kept their heads down up there and didn’t bother me. Theoretically paparazzi could be lurking around, but mostly they left me alone. Sweet freedom meant walking down the street without a security detail or being mobbed. I lived for these times. 

I hadn’t picked this area by accident. I grew up here. Every time I visited my shoulders loosened and even the air smelled cleaner and more refreshing. The weight I carried all the time fell off my back and I relaxed. I lost track of time and the days always flew by way too fast.

My uncle Rick raised me when my parents left me behind to go fight their injustice-of-the-week crusades that were more important than their son. Being the only son of hardcore liberal activits wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Because of Rick, I went to school, learned to play guitar, how to climb a tree, and a million other small but important moments no child should miss out on. 

I wasn’t bitter about my parents. They gave me my name --which I fucking loved-- and abandoned me in probably the best place they could have because of Rick. Whenever I found myself slowly strolling down the sidewalks of my old neighborhood, I sent a silent thanks up to whoever was listening for bringing Rick into my life.

As a grown-ass adult, I made it a point to visit the man who raised me as much as I could. I shook myself out of my thoughts just as the jet’s wheels touched down with a jerk and we came to a stop. Descending the stairs, I moved into the cushy seat of the waiting SUV. We drifted through traffic, stopping in front of a familiar gray rambler.

My whole body relaxed and a slow smile spread across my face. I was home. Stepping out of the car, I made my way up the concrete walkway, jumping over the crack at the base of the step just like I always did. Stepping up onto the small cement porch, my hand wrapped around the brass doorknob, the cold metal turning easily in my hand. Rick never locked the door and I never bothered to knock. 

“Hey, old man! What smells so good?” My voice echoed throughout the house as I shut the door behind me.

“It’s about time! I was starting to think you’d bailed on me,” Rick teased, coming around the corner with bright eyes that crinkled at the corners and an easy smile. He rubbed his short, grey beard while looking me over from head to toe. 

“What, and miss out on your world famous quinoa? I would never,” I joked. I fucking hated quinoa and we both knew it, but I always choked down the mush when he made it. I never ate anything other than plant-based shit growing up. I wasn’t here for the cooking though. 

“Oh, you think you’re funny?” He laughed. “Joke all you want, but you miss my quinoa when you’re in L.A. Speaking of L.A., before we eat, let’s chat for a minute.”

It wasn’t a request and we both knew it. I braced myself. Rick’s new favorite pastime was meddling in my shit and I knew he meant well but my jaw clenched and I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here. Bracing myself for what I knew was coming, I slowly breathed in and out a couple of times. 

Rick generally stayed out of my personal life choices no matter how fucked up, but lately he’d been putting more and more pressure on me to settle down. Getting a root canal sounded more appealing than the conversation I knew we were about to have. 

“I try not to read the tabloids but I can’t avoid the grocery store so I still see some of your… let’s call them antics.” He studied me, pressing his lips together in a slight frown. “I worry about you. All the women and the parties? That’s not the person I raised. You deserve better. You know better. You deserve to settle down and be happy.”

Crossing my arms across my chest, I sighed heavily. “I haven’t been here two fucking minutes. Can we just not? I’ve told you I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I like my life the way it is. Sorry if I’m a disappointment to you but please let it go.”

“Fine, fine. You’re not a disappointment, I just know you have the potential to be so much happier, Zen. I’ll let it go for now. You don’t know what you’re missing, though. C’mon, kid. Let’s go sit outside and catch up. Grab the plate of tofu,” Rick said, turning and grabbing a plate before meandering toward the patio.

I leaned against the kitchen counter, rubbing the back of my neck and taking a couple calming breaths. I knew he meant well but Rick didn’t understand why I didn’t want to settle down. How could he? He married his childhood best friend when he was nineteen. She died during childbirth a few years later and he lost everything that day. He always said he would never regret loving her because she brought color to his life, whatever the fuck that meant. All I got out of that story was a lesson in goddamn tragedy.

Following him out into the cool evening air, we sat and fell into easy and comfortable conversation. Spending time with Rick was simple. We caught up on everything and talked about nothing. I could count on one hand all the people in this world I trusted with the real me, who I could let my walls down with and Rick was one of them. My uncle wouldn’t spill my secrets to anyone and in eight years of being a celebrity, he’d never once let me down.

When my skin was covered with goosebumps, I made my way inside and to the front door. “I’m going to head out. Thanks for dinner,” I said. We didn’t need a long, drawn out goodbye. Like I said, spending time with Rick was easy. He fit me in whenever I found the time. 

“’Course. Take care of yourself, and think about what I said,” Rick said, his eyes locked on mine. I sighed before stepping outside the door and turning to make my way to the car. I jumped over that damn crack and climbed into the waiting car.