Shadow Phoenix: The Band

When I was brainstorming Zen’s book, I knew I wanted him to be in a band with at least four other guys. But I had no idea what kind of band or what their name would be.

Fun fact: The band was originally named Dark Phoenix but then I realized that was the name of an X-men movie and I had to come up with something else. I used the shit out of the thesaurus and came up with the new name.

I’m not terribly attached to the name, mostly it just had to be something band-ish enough and not girly because teenage guys named this thing. I’m not (nor have I ever been) a teenage guy, so I just had to try and imagine what their thought process would be like.

And to the reviewer who gave me shit about calling the band name cool through Zen’s dialogue—I’m with you. To me, Shadow Phoenix is just a name. It’s not meant to be amazing because that’s not the point of the series. The point is the relationships, not the band (although, of course the band is important. It’s a rock star romance after all).

Alas, I think I do deserve some props, though, because holy fuck, the guys in the band are HOT and I swear every one that comes along is hotter than the last. When I write them and I read back, I think, “how did that come out of my brain?” It’s like I go into a trance or something and magic falls out.

(I swear I don’t actually think that highly of my work, I actually have a lot of issues thinking I’m not good enough. But fake it ‘til you make it, amiright?)

Okay, so back to the band…

I imagine Shadow Phoenix’s music to be a mixture of 21 Pilots and Linkin Park. Some rock, maybe not so much on the rap side of things, and also a little bit of slower stuff, too. Like Heavy by LP and Leave the City by 21P. But they can definitely rock, too, like Heavy Dirty Soul by 21P.

In my mind, when I’m writing them as artists and their creative process, I imagine them a lot like 21 Pilots, but their band makeup is more Linkin Park, or at least what Linkin Park used to be.

Which bands do you picture when you think of Shadow Phoenix and their sound? I’m curious who you imagine them to be like. Leave me a comment and let me know!

Meet: Zen

Zen was the very first character I ever came up with. I’ve talked a little bit about this before, but when I heard the song “The Hills” by The Weeknd, I really started to wonder what that lifestyle would look like. For my first foray into attempting to write my own book, I wanted to write something exciting. What better to start out with than rock stars?

At his base, Zen was always an alpha, bad boy hero with a cocky swagger, ink covering almost every inch of his delectable body, and an emptiness inside that he wasn’t sure how to cope with anymore. He’d sort of been there, done that, you know?

As humans, we adapt to situations really fast, so his lifestyle wasn’t exciting to him anymore. He’d been at this whole mega-famous superstar thing for more than a decade and it was stale. So, I wanted him to be someone I could push around a little. Someone who’s eyes could be opened to new possibilities, and someone who could look at the world through fresh eyes if the right person came along.

His character’s look was originally inspired by Shane Burnell (@shaneburnell on insta, hel-lo), a green-eyed, tatted up hottie who all the girls wanted. When deciding on his name, I wanted it to be something short and easy to pronounce and remember, but also unique and worthy of his status.

In my mind, his parents were hippies and raised him (I use this term loosely since they weren’t really around at all) on a commune, so his name makes sense in that context, too.

As a kid, someone on the commune taught him to play guitar and he grew up singing songs around bonfires most nights. This was where his love of music came from, and I imagine that he liked to pass the time making up songs because there weren’t TVs or electronics or other things that most kids had growing up.

As a teenager, he decided he’d had enough and wanted to take control of his life, so he got emancipated and moved to LA and that’s where we find him when Shadow Phoenix begins. Zen is driven, hard-working, and determined to have whatever he sets his sights on. He’ll pursue it until he either gets it or is physically unable to do any more, but he’ll never give up.

He’s the perfect partner for Kennedy, but it’s a long road to get him to where he’s ready to settle down.

Wednesday I’ll be giving you some background info on one of the other guys, so make sure to check back in!

Which one of the four guys is your favorite? Zen, True, Maddox, or Jericho? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Character Inspiration: Connor

As you probably know by now, Finding Zen was my first attempt at writing a book. It’ll always be my favorite story because of that, but when I was doing character development, I really had no idea what I was doing. I jumped into 12-page character questionnaires that were FAR more detailed than necessary.

Thankfully, I learned how to streamline the process and it’s not nearly as intense now as it used to be.

That being said, I realized that if Zen’s story were anything like real life, and he were as famous as I imagined him to be, he’d be mobbed if he tried to go anywhere alone. He’d have all sorts of issues and challenges that he’d run into and for that he’d need a solid security team. And that team would definitely include at least one bodyguard.

Initially when I imaged Connor’s character, he was an older guy. He was in his fifties and sort of acted as the father Zen never really knew. In an earlier blog, I talked a little bit about Zen’s past and his parental situation (check that out here if you’re curious), but once the first draft of the book was written, it didn’t feel right.

There weren’t a lot of places I could go with his character. I wanted someone younger. Someone I could explore, and someone who could eventually get his own book (or own spin off series…). In my mind, he definitely needed to be ex-military. And since my husband is an ex-Marine and my brother-in-law is an active duty Marine, that’s what Connor needed to be, too.

He’s guarded and highly protective. He’s incredibly smart and clever, and he’s the kind of guy who isn’t afraid to wade into shady grey areas in order to keep someone safe. That makes him the perfect private security for a world famous band who’s needs and demands can change on the fly. He’s highly adaptable with connections all over the world.

Connor has varying levels of involvement in each of the three Shadow Phoenix stories I’ve written so far. You meet him for the first time in Finding Zen, he helps out a little in Loving True, and then he really steps into his own in Saving Maddox. He’ll play an even bigger role in Playing Jericho that I can’t wait for you to read.

Have you had a chance to meet Connor’s team yet in Saving Maddox? If so, who’s your favorite team member? Indy, Sebastian, Julian, or Connor?

Finding Zen: New Cover Announcement

The Shadow Phoenix series was my first ever, and because of that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. My first version of the Zen cover I did myself and… it was okay. But, I didn’t know the first thing about designing a book cover.

Zen’s first cover that I designed myself.

I quickly realized that your cover is your most important marketing tool and that not knowing what you’re doing wasn’t good. At all. So, I hired a designer. Sarah. She’s awesome and great to work with and I plan to use her again in the future. (Check out her portfolio here).

But anyway, I found Sarah in a Facebook group and loved her work, so I hired her to make me a custom cover for Zen. The problem was… I had no idea what I wanted. I didn’t give her a lot of direction and even when it didn’t come out quite like I envisioned, I wasn’t sure what to tell her to get it to where I wanted it to be. So I left it and had her do the rest of the series covers in the same design.

There was just something I didn’t love, even if I had no idea what I wanted and couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

Finding Zen’s second cover. Much more professional.

So, I started collecting covers. Anytime I would see a cover I liked, I saved it to a folder so I could get a sense of what it was I was looking for. And I started playing in Photoshop, learning new techniques. I designed a bunch of covers for fun for my friend, and fellow author, Melony Ann.

And suddenly I realized what was missing. The covers weren’t rock star-y enough. They were good, professional covers. But they didn’t give off that dark vibe I realized I wanted. So, I started messing around and spent hours in Photoshop until I had something that I liked.

Zen’s third (and final?) cover.

So, what do you think? Which cover do you prefer? Leave me a comment and let me know!

What I Wrote This Week

This week, I spent most of my time revamping Finding Zen. The new version has been uploaded and is ready for you to check out! Keep reading to find out about why I felt the need to make the changes.

Why did you feel like now was the right time to spruce up Finding Zen?

I’m writing Shadow Phoenix, the prequel of the series right now. It’s more than halfway done, and between that and the character development and plotting I’ve done for Playing Jericho, there were some inconsistencies in who the characters had revealed themselves to be. So, before I wrote any more books in the series, I felt like it was important to make everything consistent.

What’s changing in Zen?

Most of the dialogue and interactions with the guys in the band have now been changed in some way. When I originally wrote Zen, I hadn’t fully fleshed out who the characters were going to be. I knew True would be sort of a hopeless romantic type, Maddox was an arrogant jerk, and Jericho? Well, I figured he’d be shy. But that was all I had on any of them.

As I’ve written their books and really done a deep dive into who they are, there were so many complexities that I didn’t reflect in the original version of Zen. It was time to go back and correct all of that.

Anything else?

Finding Zen was the very first romance novel I’d written (very first full length novel in general), and I was not at all comfortable with writing sex scenes. They were awkward and uncomfortable to write, and I think that reflected in the way they read, too. So I did some tweaking in those areas.

There were also some plot inconsistencies, things that didn’t work, and holes that needed shoring up. Thanks to my super awesome proofreaders and friends, fellow author Melony Ann and her boyfriend, Sergeant Brad, who’ve been instrumental in making sure all the criminal and law enforcement aspects to my stories were realistic and accurate, I think we got everything straightened out and the story’s a lot tighter than it was.

Turns out I’m not as good at catching errors and plot holes as I thought I was. Haha!

Why did Jericho need to be rewritten?

When I originally imagined the Jericho character, he was shy and quiet, geeky. Maybe even virginal, which I thought could make a really interesting character dynamic. A 28-year-old rock star virgin? So unlikely.

But, when it came time to actually plot his book, I must have spent a month coming up with different ideas, brainstorming and tossing them around with my writer friends and my husband. Nothing ever felt right, nothing stuck. And then I stepped back and realized it was because who Jericho was as a character just wasn’t right.

When I made that discovery, I threw everything out the window and stopped fighting him. With some great advice, I stopped trying to make him into who I wanted him to be, and instead just let him be who he was meant to be. And let me tell you… he’s not at all what you’ve been expecting. Of all the heroes I’ve written, Jericho is the darkest.

What about the Shadow Phoenix prequel? How do the changes play into that?

The prequel is going to come out before Jericho releases and I’m a little more than halfway done writing it. You’ll get a really intense deep dive into who the guys of Shadow Phoenix were around the time the band starts their rise to fame. They go through a lot, and you’ll be able to follow along for the ride. And the book will also prepare you for Jericho’s story. Things in Zen will make more sense. This prequel will tie everything in the SP world together with a messy bow.

What about that new cover?

Since I was revisiting the entire book, I thought it could use a new look, too. I have a blog post coming soon detailing the cover, but I gave the series a face lift and I’m in love with the new look.

What about the other books?

In the coming weeks, I’m going to be making a few small changes to Loving True and Saving Maddox to reflect the new character changes in Jericho. The other characters in those books are great as-is.

Do I have to do anything to get the updated version of Finding Zen?

Make sure your kindle is set to get automatic updates so that whenever I make changes, they download automatically. You can find the instructions on how to do that here. You don’t need to repurchase it, but if you’ve read and returned it in Kindle Unlimited, you will need to re-download it again.

So, there you have it! That’s what I’ve been up to this week. When you’re done reading the Finding Zen update, let me know what you think of the changes in the comments.

Finding Zen: Deleted Scene

When writing a story, I sometimes have to choose what to include in the final draft. I try to be careful about my planning so I don’t end up writing a bunch of extra stuff that gets cut, but it does still happen from time to time. This is one such scene.

Zen’s background is a complicated one. He was raised basically on a hippy commune up in Washington state and his parents took off, so he had this guy who lived on the commune step in and take over raising him until he was 16. That was the point he moved to LA to pursue music. In the original draft of Finding Zen, the reason he went home was writer’s block, not a sex tape. And the first stop he makes is to visit Rick, his sort of uncle (but not really) to catch up.

This scene is unedited and not necessarily canon for the story.

Enjoy!

Zen

I needed to remind myself of all the good shit I had going for me and snap myself out of this funk fast. We were getting ready to record a new album and I hadn’t written shit. I couldn’t find the inspiration. 

I figured getting away might help with my writer’s block. Every couple of months, I hopped on the band’s private jet and flew up north to a suburb of Seattle to escape. People kept their heads down up there and didn’t bother me. Theoretically paparazzi could be lurking around, but mostly they left me alone. Sweet freedom meant walking down the street without a security detail or being mobbed. I lived for these times. 

I hadn’t picked this area by accident. I grew up here. Every time I visited my shoulders loosened and even the air smelled cleaner and more refreshing. The weight I carried all the time fell off my back and I relaxed. I lost track of time and the days always flew by way too fast.

My uncle Rick raised me when my parents left me behind to go fight their injustice-of-the-week crusades that were more important than their son. Being the only son of hardcore liberal activits wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Because of Rick, I went to school, learned to play guitar, how to climb a tree, and a million other small but important moments no child should miss out on. 

I wasn’t bitter about my parents. They gave me my name --which I fucking loved-- and abandoned me in probably the best place they could have because of Rick. Whenever I found myself slowly strolling down the sidewalks of my old neighborhood, I sent a silent thanks up to whoever was listening for bringing Rick into my life.

As a grown-ass adult, I made it a point to visit the man who raised me as much as I could. I shook myself out of my thoughts just as the jet’s wheels touched down with a jerk and we came to a stop. Descending the stairs, I moved into the cushy seat of the waiting SUV. We drifted through traffic, stopping in front of a familiar gray rambler.

My whole body relaxed and a slow smile spread across my face. I was home. Stepping out of the car, I made my way up the concrete walkway, jumping over the crack at the base of the step just like I always did. Stepping up onto the small cement porch, my hand wrapped around the brass doorknob, the cold metal turning easily in my hand. Rick never locked the door and I never bothered to knock. 

“Hey, old man! What smells so good?” My voice echoed throughout the house as I shut the door behind me.

“It’s about time! I was starting to think you’d bailed on me,” Rick teased, coming around the corner with bright eyes that crinkled at the corners and an easy smile. He rubbed his short, grey beard while looking me over from head to toe. 

“What, and miss out on your world famous quinoa? I would never,” I joked. I fucking hated quinoa and we both knew it, but I always choked down the mush when he made it. I never ate anything other than plant-based shit growing up. I wasn’t here for the cooking though. 

“Oh, you think you’re funny?” He laughed. “Joke all you want, but you miss my quinoa when you’re in L.A. Speaking of L.A., before we eat, let’s chat for a minute.”

It wasn’t a request and we both knew it. I braced myself. Rick’s new favorite pastime was meddling in my shit and I knew he meant well but my jaw clenched and I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here. Bracing myself for what I knew was coming, I slowly breathed in and out a couple of times. 

Rick generally stayed out of my personal life choices no matter how fucked up, but lately he’d been putting more and more pressure on me to settle down. Getting a root canal sounded more appealing than the conversation I knew we were about to have. 

“I try not to read the tabloids but I can’t avoid the grocery store so I still see some of your… let’s call them antics.” He studied me, pressing his lips together in a slight frown. “I worry about you. All the women and the parties? That’s not the person I raised. You deserve better. You know better. You deserve to settle down and be happy.”

Crossing my arms across my chest, I sighed heavily. “I haven’t been here two fucking minutes. Can we just not? I’ve told you I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I like my life the way it is. Sorry if I’m a disappointment to you but please let it go.”

“Fine, fine. You’re not a disappointment, I just know you have the potential to be so much happier, Zen. I’ll let it go for now. You don’t know what you’re missing, though. C’mon, kid. Let’s go sit outside and catch up. Grab the plate of tofu,” Rick said, turning and grabbing a plate before meandering toward the patio.

I leaned against the kitchen counter, rubbing the back of my neck and taking a couple calming breaths. I knew he meant well but Rick didn’t understand why I didn’t want to settle down. How could he? He married his childhood best friend when he was nineteen. She died during childbirth a few years later and he lost everything that day. He always said he would never regret loving her because she brought color to his life, whatever the fuck that meant. All I got out of that story was a lesson in goddamn tragedy.

Following him out into the cool evening air, we sat and fell into easy and comfortable conversation. Spending time with Rick was simple. We caught up on everything and talked about nothing. I could count on one hand all the people in this world I trusted with the real me, who I could let my walls down with and Rick was one of them. My uncle wouldn’t spill my secrets to anyone and in eight years of being a celebrity, he’d never once let me down.

When my skin was covered with goosebumps, I made my way inside and to the front door. “I’m going to head out. Thanks for dinner,” I said. We didn’t need a long, drawn out goodbye. Like I said, spending time with Rick was easy. He fit me in whenever I found the time. 

“’Course. Take care of yourself, and think about what I said,” Rick said, his eyes locked on mine. I sighed before stepping outside the door and turning to make my way to the car. I jumped over that damn crack and climbed into the waiting car. 

What Inspired Finding Zen

I do my best thinking in the shower. Yep, I said it. Not just a normal shower, though. I like to turn off all the lights and turn on Pandora and just let my mind wander in the dark. Sometimes I listen to the music, sometimes it’s just background noise while my mind wanders.

If I’m feeling stuck on a story or not sure where to go, I can always work out where I want to go next with this method. Maybe it’s unconventional, but so am I so it works.

I read like crazy. When I say that, I mean I read obsessively. Usually one or two books every single day. I like to find an author I like (currently Tessa Bailey is a fave!) and work through their entire written works before I move on to someone new.

Now that you’ve got some background, you’ll understand everything a little more clearly. Because I read so much, I knew I wanted to try my hand at writing a book. I knew I wanted it to be romance. I also knew I wanted it to be a series because those are my favorite books to read. I love when the story shifts to another new couple but you still get little updates on the couple(s) you fell in love with in past books.

Other than that, I had no idea what to write about. One afternoon I was taking one of my “thinking showers” and listening to Pandora like normal letting my mind wander. The next thing I knew, the song “The Hills” by The Weeknd came on (listen to it in the Finding Zen playlist here) and I found the lyrics intriguing.

The idea that this guy was a celebrity, a famous musician, and had all these hookups and was living this rockstar life was intriguing to me. The lyrics were crass and uncomfortable and that’s actually what made me dream up a story where a guy could go from saying things like “I only call you when it’s half past five” or “I just fucked two bitches before I saw you” to being head over heels in love with someone and sort of reformed in a way felt like a story I wanted to explore.

Because I knew I wanted Zen and Kennedy’s story to be the first book in a series (yes, I always bite off waaaaay too much when I dive into something new and writing is no exception) I knew that the story would be Zen’s but that he had to be in a band. There was too much to explore in the world of Shadow Phoenix to leave it at one book which felt just right to me.

The other side of the story is Kennedy’s and it’s a personal one to me. While her and I aren’t the same person AT ALL, we do have some similarities. I felt like it was important that the heroine of this story be strong and capable but experiencing her own struggle, one that I suffer with in my own life. It was cathartic writing the struggle from her perspective (which is not my own) and watching her fight her way through it has inspired me in my own life and shown me that I’m just as capable as her.

So there you have it, the inspiration behind Finding Zen. I hope you love it as much as I loved writing it. I’ll forever be attached to Zen and Kennedy because they both taught me how to do what I love most: Tell love stories.

Happy reading,

Heather