Jericho Sneak Peek: Chapter One

Like I did with Maddox, I wanted to share with you the (unedited!) first chapter of Jericho. I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll keep saying it but Jericho is DARK y’all. He’s damaged and gives zero fucks about making other people happy. He is who he is and likes what he likes. HEADS UP: This sneak is NSFW.

Jericho

“Is he dead?” one of the voices in my ear wondered.

“He’s on mute but he’s still there,” I answered, adjusting my headset. My eyes were locked onto the screen and I gripped my controller tightly in my hands. My team and I had spent more hours than was healthy over the last week trying to get past this mission and it looked like this would be the time if no one fucked it up.

“We have to wait for him to respawn,” the slightly husky and sexy as hell voice belonging to the only girl on our team responded and I tried not to notice how my already rapid heartbeat kicked up to a new level. That was nothing new where LunaGirl was concerned.

“Alright, he’s here. Let’s roll out,” DeathMinion, the fourth member of our team commanded and I tried not to bristle. Taking directions from others wasn’t something I easily did. Ever.

We crept along deserted streets, focused in on our target. Just as we reached the objective, all hell broke loose. We’d come prepared but the other team were better and we quickly got our asses handed to us. Again.

I repressed the urge to smash my controller against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “Fuck, I’m out. Maybe we’ll have better luck tomorrow,” DeathMinion said before signing off of the game. Once he was gone, FatUncle followed him and that just left LunaGirl and me. A devilish grin crossed my face.

“Hey, Luna,” I breathed into the mic, lowering my voice to almost a growl.

She laughed that throaty laugh of hers that always turned me the fuck on. “Hey, Wicked. Nice campaign, even if we did get our asses kicked.”

Flirting with Luna over this game was what I looked forward to most these days. It wasn’t playing sold out shows with Shadow Phoenix, the band I was a drummer for. It wasn’t accepting awards, doing interviews, or any of the other boring-ass shit that came along with being someone famous. Nope. It was this right here—LunaGirl and her sultry voice. Her and this game were the only places I let myself really be who I was deep down inside. The only safe places I had to let the darkness out to play because LunaGirl got off on my need for control.

“Speaking of asses,” I started, leaning back into the soft pillows on my couch and getting comfortable. “I bet you’ve got some hot as fuck silky or lacy panties covering yours, don’t you?”

Luna laughed again, softer this time and more mischievous. “Wrong.”

I licked my lips, leaning forward and resting my elbow on my knees. If anyone knew the version of me that I let LunaGirl see, they’d be shocked. To the rest of the world, right down to my closest friends and bandmates, parents, even my best friend, Kennedy, I was a shy, quiet guy. But Luna knew the real me, even if she didn’t know who I was in real life. 

And the real me was one twisted motherfucker.

I lowered my voice even further, adding a hardness to let her know I wasn’t to be fucked with. “You know better than to lie to me, Luna.”

“Oh, I’m not lying, Wicked. It’s just… I knew we’d be playing tonight and I decided not to wear panties at all.”

The irritation at her disobedience faded and my desire ramped up in its place, but I wouldn’t let her know.“Did I tell you you could play without panties?”

“No, but-”

“But nothing. That’s not how this works, you know the rules. When it comes to your body and your pleasure, who’s in charge?”

Her soft intake of breath was music to my ears. “You are.”

Luna’s compliance made my dick harden and I slid my hand down my body until my palm rested on my firm length. I squeezed to give myself some of the friction I craved and held back the groan wanting to escape my lips. Instead, I refocused my attention on the girl in my headset, the one giving herself over to me so freely.

“Yes. I am. Which means next time you don’t go without panties unless I say you can. Understood?”

“Yes,” she agreed, her voice breathless. That one word out of her lips turned my cock to fucking granite, her whispered agreement everything I needed and she was the only one who I allowed to give it to me.

“Good. Now, are you wearing a skirt like I told you to?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Put your hand on your chest and slowly slide it down every curve of your body,” I commanded, wishing like hell I could watch her do it. “And stop just before you touch your sweet little pussy.”

I leaned back into the cushion behind me again, undoing the button on my jeans and sliding the zipper down. Listening to every hitch in her breathing, every shift of clothing and skin, I reveled in the small whimpers and sounds of pleasure Luna made on the other end of the headset.

“I’m there,” she practically moaned and I knew if I was in the same room as her, she’d be on the verge of begging for me to touch her. To glide my tongue along her hot core until she quivered and screamed and came undone under my touch.

Instead, we had this. And I wasn’t complaining, but sometimes I wanted more. “Now, take those soft fingers and slip them down over your clit.”

Her breathing sped up as she obeyed, but I was only getting started. “Does that feel good?”

Her affirmation came as a moan that washed over my body. The sounds she made spread heat through every single vein until I was burning with a hunger so intense I might fucking explode. But still I wouldn’t let her hear the effect she had on me.

Based on the sounds she was making and the fact we’d done this countless times over the last six months, I could tell she was getting close to coming. “Stop,” I demanded, stroking my cock another couple of times while I listened to her let out a shuddering breath.

She whimpered. “What?”

“I said fucking stop.” I left no room for her to question me in my tone but she did it anyway.

“Why?”

“Not that I have to explain myself, but you knew the rules and you went against them anyway. Next time you think about doing something without asking me first, remember how this feels.” Yes, I was aware I could be a cold bastard. Cruel even. It was part of why I hid my true self from the world. Because I fucking liked how I was and that scared me sometimes. 

She huffed but didn’t argue. I’d trained her well. “Now, you don’t touch yourself until we talk tomorrow, Luna, or next time your punishment will be a lot fucking worse. Do you understand?”

“Fine, Wicked.” The irritation in her tone made me smile. It pissed her off that I wasn’t letting her come, but she liked this game we played just as much as I did. And I imagined that in her normal, real life she didn’t let anyone else boss her around or tell her what to do. We existed in this tiny bubble where we gave each other what we needed.

“Same time then?” I asked casually, aware that neither one of us were getting off tonight and tucking my still-hard shaft back into my jeans.

“Yes,” she snapped. Her frustration oozed through the headset and I grinned like I’d won a fucking prize. Why the fuck was I like that?

“Have a good night, LunaGirl. And remember what I said. No touching.”

“Go fuck yourself,” she grumbled so quiet I almost couldn’t hear her and I fought back a laugh. The girl had a toughness to her that I admired even if I craved her submission.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. Talk to you tomorrow, Wicked.” 

“Not quite, Luna. I heard what you said and I won’t stand for that shit. And as you suggested, I think I will fuck myself. And you’re going to listen to me do it without touching your soaking wet pussy.” I pulled my dick back out and wrapped my fingers around it, moving my fist up and down as I imagined burying myself inside Luna.

Gripping my shaft harder, I flexed my hips upward, pushing my cock further into my grasp and stroking the tip, finding a rhythm that brought me closer and closer to relief. Distantly, I was aware of Luna’s irritated silence, but that only served to stoke my arousal. 

My cock got impossibly harder and I finally found my release, letting out a low groan of pleasure and coming all over my hand. My body shuddered as satisfaction carried all the way down to my toes curled into the carpet under my feet. I made a fucking mess but it was worth it. “Luna?”

“Yes?” she grit out, her annoyance palpable through the speaker.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, beautiful girl. And I hope you don’t deprive yourself tomorrow by misbehaving.”

She sighed. “Goodnight, Wicked.”

She signed off and then I was alone, how I usually liked to be. I pulled off the headset, relishing the quiet. It was a rare commodity in my life and when the band wasn’t touring or promoting a new album, I tried to spend as much time in the silence as I could.

But now I had energy to work off. Pent up sexual energy. Despite my climax a few minutes ago, I barely felt any relief. This thing I had going with LunaGirl wasn’t going to be enough for much longer. I briefly wondered whether she’d be interested in a more up close and personal relationship before dismissing the idea.

Standing up, my jeans fell to the floor and I stepped out of them before bending down to pick them up and folding them neatly. Crossing the house, I went into my bedroom and put them in their drawer before I pulled my boxer briefs down and stepped out of them. Digging through a different drawer, I found my favorite pair of swim shorts and pulled them on.

Grabbing a towel on my way to my backyard and the inviting pool there, my mind drifted back to thoughts of Luna. If my face wasn’t so fucking recognizable, meeting her in person wouldn’t be a problem. But all it would take was one picture, one recording, one video, or even just one well-timed story to any media outlet anywhere to fuck up my whole world.

I snorted, imagining what my parents would say if they found out the kind of man I really was. The kind filled with darkness he was afraid to let out. They already regretted adopting me. Despite my success, they never let me forget what a disappointment I was to them. They’d told me the story of how I’d come to be theirs a thousand times, but the weight of their expectations had nearly crushed me. The only child they’d ever have, brought into their life to fill a void they couldn’t fill on their own.

But I had to live my life on my terms, even if that meant a shitty relationship with my parents. Still, I didn’t want to embarrass them. In their minds, it was bad enough that I was a celebrity. They hated my fame more than I did. So, I kept my desires and my true nature well-hidden, locked deep down in a box wrapped in titanium chains. The only person who had the key was LunaGirl and even then, I kept her at arm’s length.

Tossing the towel onto the plush lounge chair, I dove into the lukewarm water, gliding through the liquid until my lungs burned and I was forced to come up for air. The weight of the water pressed against my body on all sides, and I found it comforting like I always did. This was where I found my peace, slicing through the water with the world muffled. Nothing could touch me here, not even the air. 

Lap after lap I pushed myself, kicking off the wall again and again until every muscle burned and I was gasping for air. I finally surfaced, pushing my hair back off of my forehead and wiping the water droplets away. I blinked up at the setting sun, wondering if it was still light wherever Luna was, or if, like her name, she was looking up at the bright moonlight. 

I also wondered if a day would come where she wasn’t the first thing I thought about when I woke up or the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep.

***

After wearing myself out in the pool last night, I fell into a fitful sleep. Visions of a faceless girl haunted me all night long and I woke up unsettled. But I had shit to do, so I couldn’t afford to linger on whatever the fuck my subconscious was doing.

Instead, I got up, swam my morning laps in the pool, and headed to the studio to meet the guys. We were recording our eighth album and I still couldn’t quite believe that shit. It blew my mind that anyone wanted to listen to the music we made, let alone millions of people around the world. 

Maybe if we weren’t so hugely popular, I wouldn’t have to hide my true self. But our following showed no signs of slowing down. If anything, we picked up more and more fans with every album we released. I was almost numb to it now.

Sometimes I wondered what my life would look like if I walked away. If I’d be free.

But there was a deep-seated need inside me to create. To express parts of myself that had no other outlet. And if I lost that, I wasn’t sure what I would become.

Walking through the nondescript front door of Mixed, the studio the label picked to record this album, the neon blue lighting tinted everything, including the five guys who were standing around waiting for me. I fucking hated being late and gritted my teeth, holding back the swell of annoyance and my desire to lash out. Instead, I pulled the drumsticks I always carried around out of my back pocket and started twirling them as I sat on the white leather sofa next to Maddox.

“Nice of you to join us,” his clipped words chafed at my need to cause pain, but I swallowed it down and adopted my usual mask of indifference instead. I never let my emotions control me. It was too dangerous. 

“I think so,” I retorted, ignoring his glare and instead focusing on spinning the wooden stick between my fingers in a calming rhythm. 

We were all feeling on edge, but I was the only one who kept that shit locked inside. Everyone wore their stress in the form of creased brows, scowls, and flattened lips. I could practically cut the frustration in the room with a knife. And it all centered on one man and one man only: Richard Bennett. 

“If you guys are ready, I’d like to get started this century,” the engineer slash producer snapped and I watched as the temperature in the room dropped a solid ten degrees and the tension skyrocketed. Maddox’s jaw ticked, Zen’s nostrils flared, and the arms folded across True’s chest flexed as if he were holding himself back from launching his fists at Richard’s face.

Even Griffin, Maddox’s brother who’d been hanging around the band for the past couple of months, had his eyes narrowed in the direction of the asshole who refused to do his fucking job. All of our band meetings before we ever stepped into a studio, all the writing sessions Zen had done, this fucking guy was ignoring all of it. Everything we knew we wanted, he didn’t give one single fuck.

If he got his way, this album would be whatever cheesy-ass washed out version of music he and the record label decided they wanted from us. But we had no plans of letting that shit slide.

No, we’d put up one hell of a fight if we had to. I almost hoped he wouldn’t do what we asked, because the part of me that craved violence and darkness would throw a goddamn party if I let it out to play with this asshole.

I wasn’t sure he was worth it.

“Maybe if you’d listen to our fucking ideas, we’d already be done,” Maddox grumbled next to me before lifting up off the couch and stalking into the booth.

Zen stared down Richard with a glare that could have melted steel, while True and I followed Maddox into the booth. Griffin settled himself into the couch while Zen was the last to move behind the glass, slamming the door behind him so hard the walls shook.

It was a really great environment to be creative in. Internally, I rolled my eyes at my own sarcasm. I stepped behind my drum set, lowering down onto the stool. True and Maddox picked up their instruments and Zen pulled on his headphones and moved in front of the microphone.

On the other side of the glass, Richard sat in the white office chair behind the mixing board. He leaned forward, pressing the button that let him talk to us in the soundproofed room. “Start whenever you’re ready.”

Zen glanced back at me and I nodded before smacking my sticks together a couple of times and then hitting them against the snare in front of me in a punishing rhythm. We had a vision for this album and we all felt as a band that we’d earned the right to some creative freedom. We’d done whatever the fuck the studio wanted us to for the last seven. This one was ours. 

Stopping us halfway through the song, I gritted my teeth to keep from snapping. Working with Richard over the past month was always like this. I was completely fucking over it.

“What now, Dick?” Maddox taunted, his voice laced with the contempt we were all feeling.

“Your bass line’s off. And why is there no chord change in the middle eight?” he demanded and I wanted to climb over my drum set and shove my stick through his goddamn eye. No fucking way was the tempo of my bass line off. I was a fucking legend when it came to rhythm and this douche expected us to believe I was the problem here?

“Yeah, I’m out,” I declared, standing up and tucking my sticks into my back pocket. The guys didn’t even hesitate, putting their instruments into their cases and filing out of the studio behind me. Griffin rose up off the couch and joined our parade past Richard and toward the door.

I held up my middle finger as I passed by the producer on my way out.

“Where the hell are you going? We’ve got the studio reserved all day!” Richard yelled, his face turning a fucked up shade of reddish-purple. 

“We’re done compromising our music for what you or the label thinks is right. Let us know when you’re ready to just let us fucking play and we’ll be back.” Zen pushed through the front door and we all followed. I gave Dick another one fingered salute before I followed Griffin outside.

“What now?” True asked, hefting his guitar case into the back of his Jeep.

“My house,” I said, sliding into my car. “We’ll record it the way we want and I’ll play around with the composition and see if I can get the sound we’re looking for.”

Zen nodded and Maddox and Griffin got into Mad’s Maclaren, pulling the doors down to close them. Fuck the label and fuck Dick. My adrenaline spiked as a spark of excitement took root inside me. I was itching to test out everything I’d been messing around with in my home studio and thanks to an incompetent exec at the label, it looked like I’d get my chance.

Are you getting excited yet?? Jericho releases 10/20/20.

Meet: True

From the moment True announced his presence in my mind, he’s been the sweetest, most caring guy ever. He has the ability to handle shit when he has to, but mostly he’s a laid back surfer who’s good with going with the flow. He’s the peacemaker and he’s a total romantic.

True was raised by both of his parents in a loving and supportive household. He has one brother (Hale) and he looks at his parents as the ultimate example of what love should be and what he wants for his life. True is the moral compass of the group, the light one who keeps everyone from going over the edge into places that might not be easy to recover from.

He’s the kind of guy who’s happiest with a long-term girlfriend or nothing at all. He’s not a fan of hookups, and while he takes advantage from time to time, mostly he’s focused on other aspects of his life.

And musically? He’s incredibly talented on both guitar and as a singer. He and Zen both sing and play guitar, but in the official capacity of the band, True plays and Zen sings. But when they write music together? They make an amazing team. Think Lennon and McCartney levels of teamwork and creativity. True finds his peace with his family, the guys from the band, and hitting the waves.

And in Shadow Phoenix? His laid back ways get him in a bit of trouble the guys have to help him out of….

Meet: Maddox

Maddox was actually the second character that really solidified himself in my mind when I was writing Finding Zen. He was partially inspired by the song “Marry Me” by Thomas Rhett. I knew what his story would be like, but I wasn’t quite sure about his personality.

But the more I wrote him, the more of an asshole he came to be. But I loved that about him. He was the snarky one, the first one to make a snide comment, to flirt unabashedly, to stir up drama and give people shit. He spoke his mind without reservation and I loved that about him.

The one thing that he always is without fail is protective, though. He’s the fixer of the group, the one who makes problems go away. He does what he has to do, but there are lines even he won’t cross. There aren’t many, but they’re there. He has morals and standards, they just might not be what we all think they are.

When we meet Maddox in Shadow Phoenix, he’s still so torn up over the way he left Ryan behind that the guilt is absolutely destroying him. So to cope, he resorts to some unexpected things that I think will shock a lot of people. But, I really enjoy playing with sexuality in a more fluid way, and of all the guys, I thought Maddox could handle it best.

We get a little sneak peek into Maddox’s comfort level with who he is in a scene in Saving Maddox with Ryan and Quinn, but Shadow Phoenix really takes a deeper dive into exploring the dark time he’s going through trying to cope with how to move on from trying to move on without the love of his life.

Where we see Maddox in Shadow Phoenix is just the start of almost a decade-long downward spiral that he recovers from and comes out even better on the other side, but prepare yourself for a Maddox you’ve never seen before.

Meet: Jericho

When I originally came up with my first book idea in Finding Zen, I knew I was going to be writing about a band of guys. I like reading books in a series, so that’s what I wanted to write. So, I had to decide how many guys and how the band would be put together.

It didn’t take long for me to decide I wanted four guys, and for the four of them to start to show me their identities. Well, I should say three of them. Jericho… he’s been a tough nut to crack.

Originally, I thought he was going to be this super shy guy who had a really hard time in social situations, particularly with women. I was also going to have him originally born in Japan and brought to the US as a kid. But, the more I wrote the other guy’s stories with Jericho in the background, the more he changed and his character became something totally different than who I thought he was.

As you’ll read in Shadow Phoenix, Jericho’s not shy AT ALL. He’s quietly controlled and only speaks when he has something to say, not to fill the noise. He was adopted as a baby and doesn’t know his birth parents, but his adoptive parents were cold and unaffectionate.

He didn’t have a bad childhood, per se, but it was lonely and impersonal. His parents had their own lives and at a certain point, he didn’t really fit into them anymore. He used to spend a lot of time wondering why they even wanted him in the first place.

They’re not supportive of him or his career choices, and because of that he’s not close to them. He doesn’t have any siblings that he’s aware of, and so when True recruits him for the band, he jumps in with both feet. The guys become his brothers and are the only people in the world he lets see the real him. The only people he really, fully trusts.

Jericho has a dark streak to him and it presents itself in more ways than one. It comes out quite a bit in SP, but you’ll get to see a whole lot more of the darkness inside him in Playing Jericho. Unleashing his true self has been one of my favorite things but also some of the hardest words I’ve ever written. But I needed to let Jericho be who he was meant to be even if that wasn’t who I thought he should be, and isn’t that just the story of his life?

Two more members to go… Do you have a favorite yet?

Meet: Zen

Zen was the very first character I ever came up with. I’ve talked a little bit about this before, but when I heard the song “The Hills” by The Weeknd, I really started to wonder what that lifestyle would look like. For my first foray into attempting to write my own book, I wanted to write something exciting. What better to start out with than rock stars?

At his base, Zen was always an alpha, bad boy hero with a cocky swagger, ink covering almost every inch of his delectable body, and an emptiness inside that he wasn’t sure how to cope with anymore. He’d sort of been there, done that, you know?

As humans, we adapt to situations really fast, so his lifestyle wasn’t exciting to him anymore. He’d been at this whole mega-famous superstar thing for more than a decade and it was stale. So, I wanted him to be someone I could push around a little. Someone who’s eyes could be opened to new possibilities, and someone who could look at the world through fresh eyes if the right person came along.

His character’s look was originally inspired by Shane Burnell (@shaneburnell on insta, hel-lo), a green-eyed, tatted up hottie who all the girls wanted. When deciding on his name, I wanted it to be something short and easy to pronounce and remember, but also unique and worthy of his status.

In my mind, his parents were hippies and raised him (I use this term loosely since they weren’t really around at all) on a commune, so his name makes sense in that context, too.

As a kid, someone on the commune taught him to play guitar and he grew up singing songs around bonfires most nights. This was where his love of music came from, and I imagine that he liked to pass the time making up songs because there weren’t TVs or electronics or other things that most kids had growing up.

As a teenager, he decided he’d had enough and wanted to take control of his life, so he got emancipated and moved to LA and that’s where we find him when Shadow Phoenix begins. Zen is driven, hard-working, and determined to have whatever he sets his sights on. He’ll pursue it until he either gets it or is physically unable to do any more, but he’ll never give up.

He’s the perfect partner for Kennedy, but it’s a long road to get him to where he’s ready to settle down.

Wednesday I’ll be giving you some background info on one of the other guys, so make sure to check back in!

Which one of the four guys is your favorite? Zen, True, Maddox, or Jericho? Leave me a comment and let me know!

What I Wrote This Week

This week, my sole writing focus was the Shadow Phoenix prequel. Want to know the best part about this book? It’s going to be totally FREE! Woo!

It’s been coming along nicely and I’m having a lot of fun writing it. I’m a little bit worried about how you all will like it because it’s not necessarily like a traditional romance. Sure, there are steamy scenes and all sorts of debauchery in the book, but this story is more about the guys and their friendship and how they depend on each other more than anyone else in this world while they’re trying to navigate climbing the show business ranks.

They go through a lot through the span of the book, and I’ve been pushing my writing to put them in scenes that make me uncomfortable to write. It’s been an experience and one that’s helped me grow in a lot of different ways.

One thing I’m doing this book that I’ve never done before? I’m not plotting anything ahead of time. As a writer, I usually plot every single thing in my books down to the scene (usually I write 2-4 scenes per chapter) but this time I just sat down and started writing.

Like above, it’s pushed me outside of my comfort zone and at times has left me for days pulling out my hair or staring off into space wondering what the hell I’m going to do next or where I’m going to take the story so that it makes sense. But I’ve learned to listen to my gut and just go with whatever feels right, even if my mind wants to fight me.

Being a writer is weird, y’all.

But, I’m pretty sure I only have two chapters left to write and then this baby’s going to be done. And when it is? Buckle. Up.

You’ll want to read this one before you read Jericho because his character’s going to make a LOT more sense if you do. I’ll give you more details about a release date soon, but it’s not going to be much longer before it drops!

A Tiny Sneak Peek:

True

A letter with my name on it sat propped on the kitchen counter, and I eyed it like it was about to catch on fire. I texted the guys to come over as soon as I noticed it because I couldn’t bring myself to open it alone.

What do you think is in the envelope? Leave me a comment with your guesses!

Character Inspiration: Connor

As you probably know by now, Finding Zen was my first attempt at writing a book. It’ll always be my favorite story because of that, but when I was doing character development, I really had no idea what I was doing. I jumped into 12-page character questionnaires that were FAR more detailed than necessary.

Thankfully, I learned how to streamline the process and it’s not nearly as intense now as it used to be.

That being said, I realized that if Zen’s story were anything like real life, and he were as famous as I imagined him to be, he’d be mobbed if he tried to go anywhere alone. He’d have all sorts of issues and challenges that he’d run into and for that he’d need a solid security team. And that team would definitely include at least one bodyguard.

Initially when I imaged Connor’s character, he was an older guy. He was in his fifties and sort of acted as the father Zen never really knew. In an earlier blog, I talked a little bit about Zen’s past and his parental situation (check that out here if you’re curious), but once the first draft of the book was written, it didn’t feel right.

There weren’t a lot of places I could go with his character. I wanted someone younger. Someone I could explore, and someone who could eventually get his own book (or own spin off series…). In my mind, he definitely needed to be ex-military. And since my husband is an ex-Marine and my brother-in-law is an active duty Marine, that’s what Connor needed to be, too.

He’s guarded and highly protective. He’s incredibly smart and clever, and he’s the kind of guy who isn’t afraid to wade into shady grey areas in order to keep someone safe. That makes him the perfect private security for a world famous band who’s needs and demands can change on the fly. He’s highly adaptable with connections all over the world.

Connor has varying levels of involvement in each of the three Shadow Phoenix stories I’ve written so far. You meet him for the first time in Finding Zen, he helps out a little in Loving True, and then he really steps into his own in Saving Maddox. He’ll play an even bigger role in Playing Jericho that I can’t wait for you to read.

Have you had a chance to meet Connor’s team yet in Saving Maddox? If so, who’s your favorite team member? Indy, Sebastian, Julian, or Connor?

Finding Zen: New Cover Announcement

The Shadow Phoenix series was my first ever, and because of that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. My first version of the Zen cover I did myself and… it was okay. But, I didn’t know the first thing about designing a book cover.

Zen’s first cover that I designed myself.

I quickly realized that your cover is your most important marketing tool and that not knowing what you’re doing wasn’t good. At all. So, I hired a designer. Sarah. She’s awesome and great to work with and I plan to use her again in the future. (Check out her portfolio here).

But anyway, I found Sarah in a Facebook group and loved her work, so I hired her to make me a custom cover for Zen. The problem was… I had no idea what I wanted. I didn’t give her a lot of direction and even when it didn’t come out quite like I envisioned, I wasn’t sure what to tell her to get it to where I wanted it to be. So I left it and had her do the rest of the series covers in the same design.

There was just something I didn’t love, even if I had no idea what I wanted and couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

Finding Zen’s second cover. Much more professional.

So, I started collecting covers. Anytime I would see a cover I liked, I saved it to a folder so I could get a sense of what it was I was looking for. And I started playing in Photoshop, learning new techniques. I designed a bunch of covers for fun for my friend, and fellow author, Melony Ann.

And suddenly I realized what was missing. The covers weren’t rock star-y enough. They were good, professional covers. But they didn’t give off that dark vibe I realized I wanted. So, I started messing around and spent hours in Photoshop until I had something that I liked.

Zen’s third (and final?) cover.

So, what do you think? Which cover do you prefer? Leave me a comment and let me know!

What I Wrote This Week

This week, I spent most of my time revamping Finding Zen. The new version has been uploaded and is ready for you to check out! Keep reading to find out about why I felt the need to make the changes.

Why did you feel like now was the right time to spruce up Finding Zen?

I’m writing Shadow Phoenix, the prequel of the series right now. It’s more than halfway done, and between that and the character development and plotting I’ve done for Playing Jericho, there were some inconsistencies in who the characters had revealed themselves to be. So, before I wrote any more books in the series, I felt like it was important to make everything consistent.

What’s changing in Zen?

Most of the dialogue and interactions with the guys in the band have now been changed in some way. When I originally wrote Zen, I hadn’t fully fleshed out who the characters were going to be. I knew True would be sort of a hopeless romantic type, Maddox was an arrogant jerk, and Jericho? Well, I figured he’d be shy. But that was all I had on any of them.

As I’ve written their books and really done a deep dive into who they are, there were so many complexities that I didn’t reflect in the original version of Zen. It was time to go back and correct all of that.

Anything else?

Finding Zen was the very first romance novel I’d written (very first full length novel in general), and I was not at all comfortable with writing sex scenes. They were awkward and uncomfortable to write, and I think that reflected in the way they read, too. So I did some tweaking in those areas.

There were also some plot inconsistencies, things that didn’t work, and holes that needed shoring up. Thanks to my super awesome proofreaders and friends, fellow author Melony Ann and her boyfriend, Sergeant Brad, who’ve been instrumental in making sure all the criminal and law enforcement aspects to my stories were realistic and accurate, I think we got everything straightened out and the story’s a lot tighter than it was.

Turns out I’m not as good at catching errors and plot holes as I thought I was. Haha!

Why did Jericho need to be rewritten?

When I originally imagined the Jericho character, he was shy and quiet, geeky. Maybe even virginal, which I thought could make a really interesting character dynamic. A 28-year-old rock star virgin? So unlikely.

But, when it came time to actually plot his book, I must have spent a month coming up with different ideas, brainstorming and tossing them around with my writer friends and my husband. Nothing ever felt right, nothing stuck. And then I stepped back and realized it was because who Jericho was as a character just wasn’t right.

When I made that discovery, I threw everything out the window and stopped fighting him. With some great advice, I stopped trying to make him into who I wanted him to be, and instead just let him be who he was meant to be. And let me tell you… he’s not at all what you’ve been expecting. Of all the heroes I’ve written, Jericho is the darkest.

What about the Shadow Phoenix prequel? How do the changes play into that?

The prequel is going to come out before Jericho releases and I’m a little more than halfway done writing it. You’ll get a really intense deep dive into who the guys of Shadow Phoenix were around the time the band starts their rise to fame. They go through a lot, and you’ll be able to follow along for the ride. And the book will also prepare you for Jericho’s story. Things in Zen will make more sense. This prequel will tie everything in the SP world together with a messy bow.

What about that new cover?

Since I was revisiting the entire book, I thought it could use a new look, too. I have a blog post coming soon detailing the cover, but I gave the series a face lift and I’m in love with the new look.

What about the other books?

In the coming weeks, I’m going to be making a few small changes to Loving True and Saving Maddox to reflect the new character changes in Jericho. The other characters in those books are great as-is.

Do I have to do anything to get the updated version of Finding Zen?

Make sure your kindle is set to get automatic updates so that whenever I make changes, they download automatically. You can find the instructions on how to do that here. You don’t need to repurchase it, but if you’ve read and returned it in Kindle Unlimited, you will need to re-download it again.

So, there you have it! That’s what I’ve been up to this week. When you’re done reading the Finding Zen update, let me know what you think of the changes in the comments.

Character Inspiration: Ryan

When I first started thinking about the story line for Saving Maddox, I knew who Maddox was because I’d already played with his character and spent some time developing it in Finding Zen and Loving True. I also knew some of the details I wanted to have happen in the story because they were inspired by a song. (If you’re curious, check out the Playlists tab).

But Maddox needed a girl who was tough, who wouldn’t let him get away with his shit but who was also soft enough to harden his rough edges. A girl who understood him on a level no one else ever could because she’d been there with him through some of the hardest times in his life.

A girl like that? She’d have to go through her own struggles and come out stronger for it.

When I thought about her struggles, at first I wanted her to be a tomboy through and through. But, that didn’t feel quite right. So, because I’ve always been a big fan of giving girls gender neutral or traditionally “boy” names, I started looking through name lists. The name Ryan just stuck out to me, and I thought about how kids can be assholes and would probably bully a girl for having a boy’s name. And her back story was born.

Reflecting on her home life, her hopes and dreams, her ambitions… It took weeks. I knew she had to have experienced life outside of her tiny Texas town, but why would she have ever come back? I needed to give her a reason, and her dad’s accident fit the bill.

Ryan is strong, resilient, and doesn’t let shit get her down. While I put a little something of myself into every character and every story, Ryan and I couldn’t be any more different but I love her just the same.

You can get to know her better in Saving Maddox, and see for yourself just how much of a badass she really is.

What I Read This Weekend

Reign by Siobahn Davis

This is the third book in the Sainthood - Boys of Lowell High series and I felt like I’d been waiting for it for forever. I absolutely adore this series. It’s a dark high school bully reverse harem series with a strong-as-hell heroine who can definitely hold her own. But her guys? They make her stronger and the five of them together make a formidable team.

I don’t want to give too much away with this book, because it is a trilogy after all, but I highly (HIGHLY!) recommend you start with book one and just enjoy the ride. I generally don’t re-read books, but this is a series I have a feeling I’m going to be coming back to again and again.

The guys are hot alphas, the girl is no weakling, and the situations are heart pounding with twists and turns you won’t expect. If you give it a read, come back and let me know what you thought!

It was a busy weekend of writing and revision around here, so I only got through the one book and part of another (which is the final book in another RH series I’ve been reading and waiting for), but if you read something you loved this weekend, let me know because I need some new recs!

What I Wrote This Week

I spent the majority of this week working on two things: An overhaul of Finding Zen and the Shadow Phoenix prequel (which as of now is tentatively named Shadow Phoenix).

Finding Zen was my first ever novel, and as a writer I think I’ve come a long way since I wrote it, even though I started it almost exactly one year ago. I learned tons through the whole process and while I still love the bones of the story, I think there are some things that could use tightening up—plot holes I missed the first time around being one of them.

So, I’ve been meticulously going through each chapter with a lot of help and polishing up the story to make it better. As of now, I’m more than halfway through it and would really like to have uploaded the new version by next week.

As far as Shadow Phoenix… This one’s going to be intense. It’s a prequel and will be a novella, so it won’t be quite as long, but it centers around the band’s formation and the main relationship focus is on the guys’ friendship. Now, that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The debauchery in this book isn’t quite like anything you’ve seen me write before. But that’s what makes it fun!

Exploring all sorts of dark angles and themes has been a blast so far. I still don’t have a release date for this one, yet, but as it gets closer I’ll let you know. The story is told from four points of view—Maddox, True, Zen, and Jericho. You’ll get a deep dive into the personalities and inner workings of each guy and the stuff they’ve gone through to get to where they are.

You’ll get to watch their rise to stardom and experience their ups and downs along the way. And let me tell you, you’re in for quite a ride. So keep your eyes peeled to future posts for more sneak peeks and details as I hammer this one out.

And if you want to read an small (unedited) excerpt, keep scrolling.

Maddox

I held up the bottle I’d swiped off of the shelf next to the office door on my way out, tilting it side to side. “Want a drink?”

Zen sat back down and I sat next to him, crossing my ankle over my knee as I leaned back into the cool leather and twisted the cap off of the bottle. I took a giant swig before passing him the container. He lifted it to his lips and took a sip before lowering it back down. “Are you going to get anything done while we’re here?”

Shrugging, I grabbed the bottle back from him. “Not ink. I’ve always wanted to pierce something, though.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Really? Please don’t say your cock.”

I tossed my head back and laughed. I hadn’t been considering it but now that he mentioned it, it wasn’t the worst idea. The thought of some long-ass needle being stuck through my dick was cringeworthy, even if it meant greater pleasure later. No fucking thank you.

“Nah, maybe my nose like True. Or a nipple.”

“A nipple,” Zen repeated incredulously. “Why the fuck would you want to pierce your nipple?”

“Why not? I think it’s hot when guys have their nipples pierced.” I took another pull from the bottle, feeling the effects of the liquor as it warmed my blood and I relaxed further into the sofa.

“If you say so.” Zen reached for the bottle. 

Character Inspiration: Charlie

When I’m starting the process of writing a book, I figure out who my main characters are going to be and then I start digging into their backstory. Who are they? What was their childhood like? What’s their relationship with their parents like? And do they have siblings?

I knew right off the bat that Ryan (the heroine from Saving Maddox) was going to be a tomboy in a sense, but not in a stereotypical way. She wouldn’t believe in the limitations that separate what girls can do from what boys can do. And the reason she believed that was how she was raised. That and she grew up surrounded by two sisters who were badass in their own right.

So, when it came to her sisters, I knew they would have similar morals and values. They wanted to help people. They never thought about what society might tell them they couldn’t do just because they were girls. They worked hard and went after whatever they wanted.

Charlie Knight is Ryan’s older sister. If you’ve read Saving Maddox, you know their dad Alexander had an accident several years prior. Charlie had always known she wanted to be a doctor from when she was just a little, bitty girl but when her dad had his accident, her specialty came into focus.

Neurosurgery.

It became her life’s mission to help her dad and people like him. People who’d lost the ability to walk or function at a normal level without assistance. She felt incredibly called to this line of work, and she threw herself completely into school and then her residency.

I love the Knight sisters so much. They’re my favorite group of siblings I’ve created so far - all with masculine names and soft hearts. I have a future series planned that will feature both Charlie and Justice and will show that women can be heroes, too.

Which Knight sister is your favorite? Leave me a comment and let me know!

What I Read This Weekend

Finding Zen is getting a refresher so I didn’t have my usual amount of reading time this weekend. Still, I managed to finish the books below. Let me know in the comments what you read this weekend.

Rich Prick by Tijan

The way this book’s written, it unraveled each and every secret slowly and over the course of the entire book, so it really kept me hooked. Blaise and Aspen seem like they’re so different in the beginning of the book, but as the story progresses we learn that maybe they aren’t what we think they are. And I am here. For. It.

I read this book all in one day because I couldn’t put it down. And now, of course, I’m moving onto the second book in the series.

Blaise starts out as a guy who wants no part of any sort of relationship. But he quickly changes his tune when he interacts with Aspen, who in her own right isn’t looking for anything either. But they find their salvation in each other and it really is beautiful. I don’t know if I’ve read another book where the hero and heroine are so good for healing each other’s wounds.

I’d definitely recommend giving this one a read!

Times Like These by Julia Wolf

A book blogger I follow on Insta (@the_romance_reader_gal) recommended this one and I’ve gotta say I loved every second of it. It’s a rock star romance with everything you could want - but these rockers aren’t your typical drugging and boozing it up kind of guys. They’re older, wiser. They’ve been there, done that. And now they’re tired and not quite sure where to go.

Enter Dalia, the tattooed spunky redhead who somehow manages to worm her way into their lives and onto their tour bus. Her and Nick start out hating each other and it morphs into so much more. I highly recommend giving this a read. And bonus? It’s on KU!

Well, that’s what I read this weekend in between rewriting big chunks of Finding Zen, so watch for more about that soon.

Finding Zen: Deleted Scene

When writing a story, I sometimes have to choose what to include in the final draft. I try to be careful about my planning so I don’t end up writing a bunch of extra stuff that gets cut, but it does still happen from time to time. This is one such scene.

Zen’s background is a complicated one. He was raised basically on a hippy commune up in Washington state and his parents took off, so he had this guy who lived on the commune step in and take over raising him until he was 16. That was the point he moved to LA to pursue music. In the original draft of Finding Zen, the reason he went home was writer’s block, not a sex tape. And the first stop he makes is to visit Rick, his sort of uncle (but not really) to catch up.

This scene is unedited and not necessarily canon for the story.

Enjoy!

Zen

I needed to remind myself of all the good shit I had going for me and snap myself out of this funk fast. We were getting ready to record a new album and I hadn’t written shit. I couldn’t find the inspiration. 

I figured getting away might help with my writer’s block. Every couple of months, I hopped on the band’s private jet and flew up north to a suburb of Seattle to escape. People kept their heads down up there and didn’t bother me. Theoretically paparazzi could be lurking around, but mostly they left me alone. Sweet freedom meant walking down the street without a security detail or being mobbed. I lived for these times. 

I hadn’t picked this area by accident. I grew up here. Every time I visited my shoulders loosened and even the air smelled cleaner and more refreshing. The weight I carried all the time fell off my back and I relaxed. I lost track of time and the days always flew by way too fast.

My uncle Rick raised me when my parents left me behind to go fight their injustice-of-the-week crusades that were more important than their son. Being the only son of hardcore liberal activits wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Because of Rick, I went to school, learned to play guitar, how to climb a tree, and a million other small but important moments no child should miss out on. 

I wasn’t bitter about my parents. They gave me my name --which I fucking loved-- and abandoned me in probably the best place they could have because of Rick. Whenever I found myself slowly strolling down the sidewalks of my old neighborhood, I sent a silent thanks up to whoever was listening for bringing Rick into my life.

As a grown-ass adult, I made it a point to visit the man who raised me as much as I could. I shook myself out of my thoughts just as the jet’s wheels touched down with a jerk and we came to a stop. Descending the stairs, I moved into the cushy seat of the waiting SUV. We drifted through traffic, stopping in front of a familiar gray rambler.

My whole body relaxed and a slow smile spread across my face. I was home. Stepping out of the car, I made my way up the concrete walkway, jumping over the crack at the base of the step just like I always did. Stepping up onto the small cement porch, my hand wrapped around the brass doorknob, the cold metal turning easily in my hand. Rick never locked the door and I never bothered to knock. 

“Hey, old man! What smells so good?” My voice echoed throughout the house as I shut the door behind me.

“It’s about time! I was starting to think you’d bailed on me,” Rick teased, coming around the corner with bright eyes that crinkled at the corners and an easy smile. He rubbed his short, grey beard while looking me over from head to toe. 

“What, and miss out on your world famous quinoa? I would never,” I joked. I fucking hated quinoa and we both knew it, but I always choked down the mush when he made it. I never ate anything other than plant-based shit growing up. I wasn’t here for the cooking though. 

“Oh, you think you’re funny?” He laughed. “Joke all you want, but you miss my quinoa when you’re in L.A. Speaking of L.A., before we eat, let’s chat for a minute.”

It wasn’t a request and we both knew it. I braced myself. Rick’s new favorite pastime was meddling in my shit and I knew he meant well but my jaw clenched and I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here. Bracing myself for what I knew was coming, I slowly breathed in and out a couple of times. 

Rick generally stayed out of my personal life choices no matter how fucked up, but lately he’d been putting more and more pressure on me to settle down. Getting a root canal sounded more appealing than the conversation I knew we were about to have. 

“I try not to read the tabloids but I can’t avoid the grocery store so I still see some of your… let’s call them antics.” He studied me, pressing his lips together in a slight frown. “I worry about you. All the women and the parties? That’s not the person I raised. You deserve better. You know better. You deserve to settle down and be happy.”

Crossing my arms across my chest, I sighed heavily. “I haven’t been here two fucking minutes. Can we just not? I’ve told you I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I like my life the way it is. Sorry if I’m a disappointment to you but please let it go.”

“Fine, fine. You’re not a disappointment, I just know you have the potential to be so much happier, Zen. I’ll let it go for now. You don’t know what you’re missing, though. C’mon, kid. Let’s go sit outside and catch up. Grab the plate of tofu,” Rick said, turning and grabbing a plate before meandering toward the patio.

I leaned against the kitchen counter, rubbing the back of my neck and taking a couple calming breaths. I knew he meant well but Rick didn’t understand why I didn’t want to settle down. How could he? He married his childhood best friend when he was nineteen. She died during childbirth a few years later and he lost everything that day. He always said he would never regret loving her because she brought color to his life, whatever the fuck that meant. All I got out of that story was a lesson in goddamn tragedy.

Following him out into the cool evening air, we sat and fell into easy and comfortable conversation. Spending time with Rick was simple. We caught up on everything and talked about nothing. I could count on one hand all the people in this world I trusted with the real me, who I could let my walls down with and Rick was one of them. My uncle wouldn’t spill my secrets to anyone and in eight years of being a celebrity, he’d never once let me down.

When my skin was covered with goosebumps, I made my way inside and to the front door. “I’m going to head out. Thanks for dinner,” I said. We didn’t need a long, drawn out goodbye. Like I said, spending time with Rick was easy. He fit me in whenever I found the time. 

“’Course. Take care of yourself, and think about what I said,” Rick said, his eyes locked on mine. I sighed before stepping outside the door and turning to make my way to the car. I jumped over that damn crack and climbed into the waiting car. 

What I Wrote This Week

This past Tuesday, Saving Maddox released and now that it’s out in the world it was time for me to jump into my next project. If I’m not actively writing something at pretty much all times, I get twitchy.

Unlike every other aspect of my life, my writing process is really organized and linear. I start my projects by figuring out the two main characters and a loose plot line. I figure out where I want them to start and how I want the story to end. And then I jump into detailed plotting.

I plot every single scene I’m going to write before I write it. At least that’s typically how I do things. I also only work on one project at a time.

Way back when, I was super into knitting. And I was also super into starting a million projects and never finishing one so I had half-finished knitting projects all over the house. Knowing that about myself, when I started on this writing journey I told myself I would only start something if I finished something else. So far this has served me well, but I had two projects once Maddox was done that were tugging at me and demanding to be written.

So this week, I broke my self-imposed one project at a time rule. That’s right: I’m actively writing TWO books right now.

So what are they?

Well, the first is Playing Jericho. Out of all the books I’ve written so far, this one has given me the most trouble plot-wise. The character I originally envisioned for Jericho didn’t fit when the time came to start actually plotting the book and it took me a couple of months of plotting and replotting to finally figure out that the problem wasn’t the plot but the character instead. Which meant a complete overhaul of who he was as a person.

I had to stop trying to force him into what I thought he should be and start letting him be who he was meant to be. Once I did that, the plot flowed and the words came a lot easier.

On top of Jericho, I’m also working on a prequel. It’s working title is Shadow Phoenix (original, I know haha) and it’s the story of the four original band members and their friendship and their path to fame. It starts just before high school graduation and follows the start of their music career with lots of debauchery along the way. It’s been fun to write, and unlike Jericho, I’m not plotting the shit out of it before I write it. I’m just writing and seeing what happens.

So far I don’t have a release date set for the prequel, but I’ll let you know when I get closer.

It’s been hot, so I’ve been multitasking by spending time with my kiddo at the pool and writing.

So, here’s how this week breaks down:

Playing Jericho: 2 chapters written

Shadow Phoenix: 3 chapters written

A few done, many, many more to go!

A quick (unedited!) sneak peek from Playing Jericho:

Jericho

I repressed the urge to smash my controller against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “Fuck, I’m out. Maybe we’ll have better luck tomorrow,” DeathMinion said before signing off of the game. Once he was gone, FatUncle followed him and that just left LunaGirl and me. A devilish grin crossed my face.

“Hey, Luna,” I breathed into the mic, lowering my voice to almost a growl.

She laughed that throaty laugh of hers that always turned me the fuck on. “Hey, Wicked. Nice campaign, even if we did get our asses kicked.”

Flirting with Luna over this game was what I looked forward to most these days. It wasn’t playing sold out shows with Shadow Phoenix, the band I was a drummer for. It wasn’t accepting awards, doing interviews, or any of the other boring-ass shit that came along with being someone famous. Nope. It was this right here—LunaGirl and her sultry voice. Her and this game were the only places I let myself really be who I was deep down inside. The only safe places I had to let the darkness out to play because LunaGirl got off on my need for control.

Have a great weekend, and look for my “What I Read This Weekend” post on Monday for my favorite reads from the past weekend.

Character Inspiration: Yates

Check out my Pinterest board for Yates by clicking here.

The original idea for Saving Maddox came from the song “Marry You” by Thomas Rhett. I listened to the lyrics and pictured a guy who was totally tortured and heartbroken sitting in the back row watching the woman he’d loved for basically his whole life marrying someone else.

Just imagine the level of heartbreak. It was deliciously angsty.

I’m not typically an angst writer, but I wanted to dip my toes in and this book gave me the perfect story to do it. And as you can imagine, when faced with watching the woman you love walk down the aisle to marry someone else, that guy needs to be a tool.

That’s right: A grade-A douchebag.

Why? Well, you don’t want to feel bad for the guy she’s marrying. You want to hate him. Enter Yates.

Right off the bat, I knew I needed a guy who had a name that made me cringe. He had to be old money. Snobby. The kind of guy who looked down his nose at pretty much everyone except his equally stuck up friends and maybe his mother.

To find his name, I literally googled, “Ivy League Names for Boys,” and picked the worst one I could find. If your son is named Yates, I realize I’m being a bit of an asshole but well… Yates.

Anyway, I wanted him to be a guy that at first seemed like he was at the very least okay if not sort of good. He’s attractive and charming. He swoops in to help Ryan with her biggest problem when she thought she had nowhere else to turn.

The problems start when Maddox walks back into the picture and Yates’s plan is threatened. See, he’s a shady, shady guy and he’s determined to get what he wants at all costs. He’s tenacious and an asshole which doesn’t make for a great combination.

And when someone messes with Yates, he doesn’t just take it. He fights back and he fights dirty.

I actually had a lot of fun writing his character. On days when I was frustrated or not having a great day, I’d write a Yates scene and have the other characters give him a hard time. It always made me laugh and for that reason, he’ll always be one of my favorites.

If you want to see what becomes of Yates, check out Saving Maddox.

Character Inspiration: Quinn

Whenever I start writing a new book, I spend a lot of time developing the main characters, their families, and the main antagonists, but outside of that, I don’t give it a lot of thought. I started writing Saving Maddox and realized there was a gaping hole on Ryan’s side that needed to be filled by someone. But who?

She was stuck on her family’s ranch and working it full time, and in a tiny Texas town no less, so she didn’t get a lot of opportunity to make friends. I knew whoever she had in her life friend-wise would need to be someone who worked on the ranch and someone who she’d feel really comfortable with.

Almost instantly, Quinn popped out of the woodwork basically saying, “I’ve got this,” and inserting himself into the story. I didn’t even need to think about him, his humor and wit and snark just immediately flowed out of me and onto the page like he was always meant to be there.

And it just fit that he’d be gay. Except maybe he’s not as gay as he first thinks… Because can’t sexuality be fluid? I’m excited to explore his character more in a future book where I can really see what makes him tick. Just like all of us, he can appreciate just how hot all the Shadow Phoenix guys are, but he’s the one who adds a lightness to Maddox & Ryan’s story.

Saving Maddox can be heavy at times and there’s a lot of emotion flying around, so when Quinn pops in with a joke or teasing, or just causing a little bit of trouble, he balances everything out in a really fun way. I hope you love him as much as I do!

You can meet Quinn in Saving Maddox, coming out next month. Read on for a Quinn excerpt.

Ryan

I heard the pounding hooves before I saw him and a slow smile spread across my face as I looked to my left and watched as Quinn came into view on the back of his horse, Daisy. He rode right up next to me, pulling back on the reins so Daisy would stop.

He hopped off of her back, his boots making a loud thud on the dirt before he patted her haunches and sent her over to the water. Watching him close the distance between us, his sculpted frame, messy dark hair, and hazel eyes that were framed by long, dark lashes were every girl’s fantasy. Too bad for all of us he was as gay as they come. That didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy looking at him, though.

Quinn flashed me a cocky smile. “My eyes are up here, sweetheart.” 

I laughed. “Damn, you caught me. If you didn’t want me to stare, maybe you should try putting on some weight, maybe around the middle.”

He dropped down beside me, leaning against the tree so our shoulders touched. “Not a chance. I don’t exactly have a lot of prospects out here in this podunk town, so I’m not about to let myself go and miss out on the random app hookups in the city. I’ve got to pull them in somehow and a picture’s all I’ve got to work with.”

Biting my lip to keep from smiling, I eyed him up and down. “You do you, boo. Just don’t mind me ogling you from time to time. Checking you out is the most action I’ve had… ever.” 

Quinn sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his body and kissing the top of my head. “When are you going to let go of the boy next door, Mr. Manwhore Rockstar himself, and finally move on?”

Sneak Peek: Saving Maddox Prologue

I’ve been busy writing away on book three of the Shadow Phoenix series - Saving Maddox! It’s coming along great and I can’t wait to share it with you next month. Maddox and Ryan are childhood best friends and are finding their way back to each other.

You can read the prologue below to get a sneak peek into how their friendship started.

Prologue

Ryan

“I bet she has a dick, too!” Tyler shouted through his laughter. 

Oh, no. Not again. 

I tried to curl into myself as my cheeks burned. I’d gotten used to Tyler and Jacob teasing me, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t embarrassing. Just because I wore pants instead of dresses and liked playing sports with the boys during recess didn’t mean I was a boy.

“What do you say, Ryan? How ‘bout we see for ourselves?” Jacob taunted as they moved toward me. I couldn’t let them pull down my pants in front of everyone. My heart was pounding and my eyes darted around, looking for anyone to help me. But all the other kids crowded around the bus stop were ignoring me.

As I continued to back up, step by step trying to put distance between me and my bullies, my chin wobbled. Even as my eyes stung, I refused to cry. These two boys had been bothering me all year. I didn’t wear a ponytail in my hair anymore because if I did, they’d pull my hair. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just leave me alone. What did it matter that my parents had given me a boy’s name? I’d always thought my name was cool and different. I was proud of it.

At least until this year. Now I wished my name was anything else so I could blend in. My sister Charlie told me to ignore them, that they were  picking on me because they liked me. I didn’t believe her, though. Why would they call me names or hurt me if they thought I was pretty? It didn’t make sense. Why would they embarrass me in front of everyone over and over again?

My back hit the signpost that marked the stop and I tripped, falling onto the dusty dirt-covered ground and scraped my palms and knees. I tried not to show fear, lifting my chin and narrowing my eyes defiantly at the boys who towered over me.

“Leave me alone,” I said with a shaky voice.

“Boys aren’t allowed to cry, Ryan. If you cry, I’ll punch you.” Jacob moved his lanky body toward me. He was only ten, like me, but he was the tallest kid in my class. When he was standing practically on top of me, his shadow blocked out the sun and I looked up into his face. He wore a sneer that made him look like he’d smelled something bad. 

I was more convinced than ever that Charlie was dead wrong. These boys didn’t like me. They hated me. Tyler sauntered over to me and reached down, wrapping his hand around my upper arm and squeezing so hard it hurt. I flinched and tried to pull away, but he was stronger than I was. 

My lungs were burning because I was breathing so fast but I couldn’t lose focus. I kicked out my foot and hit Tyler in the shin and he squeezed harder. “Jake, grab her other arm.”

Jacob reached down and dug his stubby nails into my skin and even though I tried to completely relax my body so I’d be harder to pick up, they still dragged me to my feet.

“Please don’t do this,” I begged, hating myself for showing weakness. They looked at each other and then cracked up laughing which made me cringe. I hadn’t done myself any favors trying to get them to stop but I had to try. They’d humiliated me over and over, putting paint on my chair so I ruined my pants and had to walk away with red marks on my butt all day, tripping me when I walked up to turn in my homework. 

They’d done too much stuff to even count, every time breaking another little part of me down. This year, I’d gone from happy and carefree to the mess I was right now, shaking and on the verge of tears. Tyler and Jacob made me feel weak and I hated it. When I get bigger, I’ll never let anyone make me feel weak again. But right now, there was nothing I could do.

Even if I was strong enough, two on one wasn’t a fair fight.

Tyler let go of my arm and I swung back to punch him, but Jacob caught my flying fist and trapped both of my hands behind my back while Tyler gripped the waist of my jeans. He’d have to unbutton them to pull them down and I twisted, trying to keep the clasp away from his grubby fingers.

“Let her go.” A low, menacing voice came from behind me and relief washed over me. Someone noticed. Someone cared enough to take on my two bullies for me. It started to sink in that the group of kids at the bus stop wouldn’t be seeing my underwear today and I could cry from happiness.

Tyler laughed at my mystery guardian. He still stood behind me and I couldn’t turn myself to see who it was. “I don’t think I want to. What do you think, Jake?”

Jacob glanced uneasily behind me and back to his friend. “I don’t know, Ty. Maybe we should see Ryan during recess instead.”

Tyler’s hands were pried off of my arms and I shook out my wrists before turning around. I had to tilt my chin up to see him, but the boy who saved me wasn’t a stranger. He lived on the ranch next door and I’d met him a handful of times, but we weren’t friends. He missed more school than he went to, so I didn’t see him at the bus stop very often.

I guess today was my lucky day since he’d shown up and stepped in. His dark eyes locked on mine, anger and concern swirled in them and I didn’t want to look away. “Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded. “Thank you.” I couldn’t think of anything better to say. 

He pulled me so I was standing behind him and straightened himself up to his full twelve-year-old height. “If you touch her again, I’ll kill you. Both of you.” The threat in his voice gave me chills. It didn’t feel like he was kidding to me and I think Tyler and Jacob felt the same way. They backed up, hands raised in the air and ran back to the rest of the group.

The boy stepped forward and grabbed my backpack, dusting it off before handing it back to me. “Those assholes shouldn’t bother you anymore but if they do, you tell me.” His eyes were hard and he cracked his knuckles.

“I will. Thanks again. By the way, I’m Ryan. I think you live next door, right?” I wasn’t in a hurry to move away from my protector. I glanced around him, eyeing Jacob and Tyler wearily. They were whispering to each other and looking my way. I didn’t have high hopes that they’d listen to the boy and leave me alone.

“I’m Maddox.” His lips tilted up on one side into a sort of amused half smile. “Yep, we’re neighbors.” He followed my gaze to Tyler and Jacob and his eyes narrowed before he looked back at me. “I mean it, Ryan. From now on, you wait for me in the morning and we’ll come to the bus stop together. After school, I’ll walk you home. If they bother you during school, I need you to tell me, okay?”

Tearing my gaze off of my bullies, I looked into his eyes, studying them. Did he mean it? The small golden flecks dotting the beautiful dark brown of his irises was mesmerizing. My cheeks heated again when he cleared his throat and I looked away. I’d never given a boy a second glance before but Maddox had saved me. His dark hair fell into his eyes and I suddenly wanted to reach up and brush it away so I could get another glimpse of the galaxy hidden in his gaze.

“What?” I finally managed.

His laugh was dark and low, like he knew he’d caught me staring at him and I shuffled my feet, kicking up some dust as the bus pulled up. “From now on, we go to and from school together. And you sit by me on the bus.”

“Okay,” I quickly agreed. I felt safe with Maddox. If it meant freedom from Tyler and Jacob, I’d gladly follow him around all day. A flush crept up my neck again when he reached for my hand, tugging me toward the bus. I’d never be able to thank him enough for what he did for me today.

The boy next door was a mystery, one I suddenly wanted to discover more than anything.

What Inspired Finding Zen

I do my best thinking in the shower. Yep, I said it. Not just a normal shower, though. I like to turn off all the lights and turn on Pandora and just let my mind wander in the dark. Sometimes I listen to the music, sometimes it’s just background noise while my mind wanders.

If I’m feeling stuck on a story or not sure where to go, I can always work out where I want to go next with this method. Maybe it’s unconventional, but so am I so it works.

I read like crazy. When I say that, I mean I read obsessively. Usually one or two books every single day. I like to find an author I like (currently Tessa Bailey is a fave!) and work through their entire written works before I move on to someone new.

Now that you’ve got some background, you’ll understand everything a little more clearly. Because I read so much, I knew I wanted to try my hand at writing a book. I knew I wanted it to be romance. I also knew I wanted it to be a series because those are my favorite books to read. I love when the story shifts to another new couple but you still get little updates on the couple(s) you fell in love with in past books.

Other than that, I had no idea what to write about. One afternoon I was taking one of my “thinking showers” and listening to Pandora like normal letting my mind wander. The next thing I knew, the song “The Hills” by The Weeknd came on (listen to it in the Finding Zen playlist here) and I found the lyrics intriguing.

The idea that this guy was a celebrity, a famous musician, and had all these hookups and was living this rockstar life was intriguing to me. The lyrics were crass and uncomfortable and that’s actually what made me dream up a story where a guy could go from saying things like “I only call you when it’s half past five” or “I just fucked two bitches before I saw you” to being head over heels in love with someone and sort of reformed in a way felt like a story I wanted to explore.

Because I knew I wanted Zen and Kennedy’s story to be the first book in a series (yes, I always bite off waaaaay too much when I dive into something new and writing is no exception) I knew that the story would be Zen’s but that he had to be in a band. There was too much to explore in the world of Shadow Phoenix to leave it at one book which felt just right to me.

The other side of the story is Kennedy’s and it’s a personal one to me. While her and I aren’t the same person AT ALL, we do have some similarities. I felt like it was important that the heroine of this story be strong and capable but experiencing her own struggle, one that I suffer with in my own life. It was cathartic writing the struggle from her perspective (which is not my own) and watching her fight her way through it has inspired me in my own life and shown me that I’m just as capable as her.

So there you have it, the inspiration behind Finding Zen. I hope you love it as much as I loved writing it. I’ll forever be attached to Zen and Kennedy because they both taught me how to do what I love most: Tell love stories.

Happy reading,

Heather